Talking The Sex With The Lex
by Sucker For Anything Acous
Summary: New Chapter added! Please r&r! I guarantee you'll laugh. It's all about when Clark first realizes that he's gay. :D
1. Talking The Sex With The Lex

  
  


"Oh! Sorry was I interrupting something. There's not exactly a doorbell that I can ring." 

  
  


Clark quickly zipped his pants back up. He blushed a little and smiled. "Oh, no. I was just sitting around, you know."

  
  


"It's perfectly normal, Clark. Most teenagers do the same after school activity. Let me guess. Lana was just here, wasn't she?" Lex walked over to Clark's telescope and started fooling around with it.

  
  


"No, actually, it was Whitney." He said looking down at his feet in embarrassment. 

  
  


A big smile grew on Lex's face. "So you're finally switching teams? I was wondering when you would see the light." He walked over and patted him on the back. 

  
  


"It was weird. He came over to get on my case about me and Lana and something about the way he pushed me against the wall and threatened me just turned me on so much. And, all of a sudden, I just wanted him so bad." He sat down on the couch. "I've never been attracted to another guy before. Why am I having these feelings all of a sudden?"

  
  


Lex walked over and sat next to him. "I went through the same thing when I first realized my sexuality, Clark. Up until I met you I had always thought I was straight. I had dated plenty of women but I never found myself really attracted to them which caused problems in the bedroom. This is the reason I've never had a real relationship with a woman." He casually put a hand on Clark's shoulder. "But then I met you. I'd never seen someone as beautiful as you. And at that moment I realized I was gay. I wanted you, Clark. I wanted you real bad. But since you were straight, I gave up and moved on to other men. But back to the point. This is just how it happens sometimes." 

  
  


Clark glanced at Lex's hand that was on his shoulder. "Wait. You were attracted to me?" He had never picked up any weird vibes or anything from Lex before.

  
  


"Oh, yes. Who wouldn't be? You're a very attractive young man, Clark. The only reason you don't do good with the ladies is because they all already knew you were gay. Well with the exception of Chloe. She probably thinks that she can somehow turn you straight." He gave a little chuckle. 

  
  


Just then they heard Clark's dad walking up the stairs towards them. Lex pulled his hand away and slid over a little bit on the couch. "It's ok. I just heard everything. I'm glad you finally realized it, son. I was beginning to think I would have to tell you that you were gay. That would've been extremely awkward for me. But, I want you to know that I still love you even though you're gay."

  
  


Clark smiled, "Thanks, Dad." 

  
  


"Oh and by the way, Lana's in the kitchen looking for you. Should I send her up here?"

  
  


"Yeah, sure." He looked at Lex who was staring at Clark.

  
  


"So should I tell her?" 

  
  


"Oh, I'm sure she already knows, Clark. But, if you feel the need to get it out in the open then by all means go ahead." 

  
  


Clark suddenly started laughing. "Did you know that you look kinda like a giant penis?"

  
  


"I do, do I? Well, feel free to rub my head." He said laughing but then stopped when he saw Lana standing there giving them both odd looks. Clark was in mid-reach to rub Lex's head when he turned around to see Lana.

  
  


"I'm sorry. I should go. You look like you have your hands full." She said with a smile as she began to turn away.

"No! Lana, wait. It's okay." 

  
  


She turned back around. "You sure? I just wanted to make sure Whitney didn't kill you or anything."

  
  


Lex leaned back casually trying to look suave. "Come. Join me and Clark. You can rub my head, too, if you want."

  
  


"It's tempting but I think I'll pass. I have to get back to The Talon. One of the other waitresses bailed on me." She got up to leave. 

  
  


"I'm gay." Clark blurted out before she had the chance to leave.

  
  


She turned around. "Oh, I know, Clark. But thanks for telling me." She left leaving Clark and Lex alone again.

  
  


"I told you she already knew." Lex said with a sly smile. "Now where were we? Ah, yes. You were about to rub my head." He leaned his head in so Clark could rub it. 

  
  


"This doesn't feel right, Lex." He said although Lex's head was extremely tempting. 

  
  


"What are you talking about, Clark? You're gay. Get used to it." He was getting frustrated. All he wanted was for Clark to rub his head. How hard is that?

  
  


"I know. But, I can't get Whitney out of my mind. I think I need to go talk to him." He got up and reached for his jacket. 

  
  


Lex sighed heavily. "Fine, Clark." 

  
  


Clark smiled and left. 

  
  


Lex got up and started to walk down the stairs but was stopped by Clark's dad standing in his way. "I'll rub your head, Lex." He said seductively.

  
  


Lex raised his eyebrows. "Is everybody on this show gay?" He asked as he let Jonathan rub his head.


	2. Talking The Shit With The Whit

  
  


Clark could hear his dad making offers to Lex as he started walking towards town. "Dammit, Dad. Why must you always hit on my friends?" He muttered to himself. He wanted to go back and keep those two apart but he was on a mission. He had to find Whitney. He was looking down at his feet when he almost walked into Chloe. 

"Whoa there, Clark. I know I'm hard to resist but running into me is not the way. Hmm...You have this whole 'man on a mission' look. What's going on?" She started walking with him. Why won't she go away? Damn her for always wanting answers.

"Nope. No mission. Just going to grab a cup of coffee or something at The Talon." He made up a lie quickly. He didn't want to tell Chloe about his newfound sexuality, at least not right now. 

"Let me guess. You're gay. You just found out. And now you're going to go tell Whitney all about it." 

Clark stopped walking. "Wait. How did you..."

"Oh, you didn't know about it but Ryan taught me a few of his mind reading tricks before he left." She said with a smile. "Boy, was that kid hot!" She said softly under her breath. Then saw the look Clark was giving her and blushed.

"You're hot for Ryan?!? He's like 10 years old. Besides, I always thought you were hot for me! I have to admit I'm a little disappointed." He said and began fake pouting.

"Oh God, Clark! Anyone with half a brain can tell that you're gay! You don't think I've noticed all those looks Lex gives you. He's obviously attracted to you and you knew it the whole time! Denial. That's why you didn't realize you were gay. The Typical Kent thing to do. I'm just glad you didn't end up like your dad. I mean, being gay but getting married anyway, that's gotta be rough on your mom." 

"Wow, so everybody knows?...Even Whitney?"

"Oh, Whitney definitely knows...Aaah, I see were this is going. You think that the only reason he bothers you about Lana so much is not because he's jealous of you but because he's jealous of her. It makes sense. He can't very well go around beating up on Lana so he takes his frustrations out on you. And, bonus, he gets to put his hands all over you." 

"Exactly." Clark said with a big smile on his face. By now they had reached The Talon. Clark scanned the room for Whitney. He spotted him at the counter talking to Lana. 

"I think I'll let you go at this alone. I've got some research to do, anyway." Chloe said as she walked back out of The Talon. 

Clark walked over to where Whitney and Lana were. Lana saw him approach and smiled before walking away. Whitney glanced over and quickly looked away when he saw Clark.

"Hey, Whitney." Clark said as he took a seat next to him.

"Oh, hi." Whitney tried not to look as excited as he was feeling. Clark Kent is talking to me! In a friendly way! Oh, God. I might die of happiness. "Look, sorry about what I did earlier. I didn't mean to threaten you or anything. I was just a little frustrated." 

Clark put his hand on top of Whitney's. Whitney stared down at it. "Sexually frustrated?" Clark asked in a knowingly way like one of those self help people Whitney had seen on TV. Whitney tried to look confused as if he didn't have any idea what Clark was talking about. It was obvious that Clark could see right through him. Then again, Clark did have x-ray vision. 

Whitney gave a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. You know, don't you? You've finally figured it out. It's about damn time. I was getting sick of that stupid bitch Lana over there. God, all she does is whine about her parents or how no one knows the real her. It's a bunch of bullshit if you ask me."

"Hey! Lana's still my friend."

"Oh, Clark. Do you always have to play the nice guy? Come on, you know she's a pesky little skank. But now you've finally figured out that your gay and that I want you." He smiled at Clark and put his free hand on top of Clark's. "Look, it's a hand sandwich...Get it? Like ham sandwich? Heh heh. Ok I thought it was funny."

"Whitney, I may be attracted to you but I cannot stand you. That joke wasn't even funny. I think I better go now." Whitney was still laughing at his own joke when Clark stood up to leave.

"Wait! Clark! Come back!! We can still be together!! Come on!! You have the sexiest ass I've ever seen!! Don't leave me here with Lana!! Clark!!" Clark walked right out of the building. Meanwhile, Lana was standing right behind Whitney laughing hysterically at him as he pleaded with Clark. Everyone stared at Whitney as he got on his knees yelling for Clark to come back. 

"You are pathetic Whitney." Lana said when she had a break from her laugher and then started laughing again. 

"Wait, you knew about Kent?" Whitney asked, perplexed. 

"Duh. Everyone does, dumbass."

"Then why are you going out with me?" He was still confused.

"I figured that if you and Clark ever actually got together, you might let me watch you two go at it. But looks like there's not going to be any private shows for Little Lana." She sighed. "Oh well. Maybe I can watch Lex and Clark. Since we all know they're going to get together. I've already seen Clark rub Lex's head."

Whitney laughed at that. "Yeah. Lex does look like a giant penis."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Talking The...Eh, Can't think of a cleve...

  
  
  
  


Clark walked out of The Talon, paying no attention to Whitney's pleas. Although he was sincerely flattered when he heard Whitney say he had the sexiest ass he'd ever seen. But as tempting as it was to go back and have his way with Whitney he couldn't give in to temptations. Whitney was an ass and now that Clark thought about it he wasn't even all that good looking. Perhaps it was just the whole jock thing that had turned Clark on at first. Now Clark was anything but turned on. 

He soon found himself back home. He went into his loft only to find his father STILL rubbing Lex's head. "Um. . .Dad? Lex?" They looked up at him as if what they were doing wasn't the least bit odd. "How long have you...Do you guys have any idea how disturbing this is? Ugh. I think I'm just gonna go to bed now." He quickly walked out of the loft and went to his room.

*~*

He was awoken the next morning by someone moving around next to him in bed. He rolled over and found himself face to face with Lex. His eyes widened and he almost fell off the bed. 

"Lex! What..? What are you doing in my bed?!?!?" 

Lex opened his eyes slowly and yawned. Then, seeing the look on Clark's face, he smiled. "Well, me and your father were up a little late last night and he told me I could sleep in your room. I was trying to sleep on the floor but it wasn't very comfortable." Clark didn't say anything. He sat on the edge of his bed staring at Lex. "Did you know that you're act very nicely as a teddy bear?" Clark blushed at this statement. "Clark Kent..Are you blushing? I thought I'd never see the day." He chuckled.

"Well, I have to get ready for school. My first official day of school as the new Homosexual Clark." He smiled with mock pride. 

Lex stood up and gave him a playful hit on the shoulder. "Go get 'em, tiger." He walked out of the room leaving Clark to get dressed for school.

Clark didn't want to think about what Lex and his father had been doing last night so he pushed the thought out of his mind and got ready for school.

*~*

When he arrived at school, Clark was greeted by an elated Pete. "Yo! Clark, man, what's up?" 

Clark gave Pete a high five. "Hey, Pete. Why are you so happy?" 

"I just heard the news, Clark." 

Clark pretended to be clueless. "What news?"

"About you, man. The whole school is talking about it."

"Oh. Why exactly does this make you happy?" Clark gave him a quizzical look. 

"I'm just happy that I don't have to pretend that you're straight anymore. Man, that was getting annoying." A mischievous smile grew on his face. "Besides, now I can move in on Lana without feeling guilty. She is fine. Damn!"

Clark laughed. "Well, I gotta go, Pete. See ya later." Clark walked off down the hall. 

He reached The Torch office and walked in surprised to find Lana in there. "Well if it isn't Clark Kent making his big gay debut." She said with a smile. 

"Lana, what are you doing in here?"

"Just using Chloe's computer to do a little research." Clark glanced at the computer screen Lana was studying intensely. 

"You're doing a report on pornography?" 

Lana quickly closed the window she was looking at. "Ok, ok. You caught me. I'm a horny bitch, ok? I mean, can you blame me? I'm dating a gay man."

Clark laughed. "Well, I think Pete's after you now."

"Pete?" She tried to hide the happiness in her voice.

"Yep. Pete. He told me himself that he thought you were attractive. He was waiting for me to come out of the closet before he made his move on you."

"Wow. Pete Ross wants me." She said under her breath. "I gotta go find him." She said and hurried out of the room. 

On her way out she almost ran into Chloe. "Whew, where's she off to in such a hurry?"

"She's off to go find Pete."

"Pete, huh? I always thought she had a thing for him. So how's your first day as gay Clark going?"

"It's going alright. I woke up in bed with Lex this morning." 

At this statement Chloe froze. "Wait...what?"

Clark laughed. "Gotcha. Well I did wake up with him but not like that. Him and my dad were up late last night and he slept in my room. But, I'll say this, I kinda liked waking up next to him." Clark blushed slightly after saying this. 

"Aww..Is my little Clark falling in love?" Chloe laughed.

"Well, we'll just see." 

"Have you seen Whitney, lately? Jeez. He's really messed up. What did you say to him yesterday?"

"I just told him that even though I was attracted to him I couldn't stand him. When I left he was screaming for me to come back."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Apparently I have the sexiest ass he's ever seen." He said with pride.

Chloe turned to look at his ass. "Are you sure he was referring to you?" She asked playfully. 

She went to her computer and turned it on. The first thing that popped up was a porn website. "Argh, Lana. Not again." She whined.

"She's done this before?" 

"Yes. She's been doing it for the past few weeks. I'm usually fine with it if she lets me look at it with her."

"Whoa, you look at porn with Lana?"

"Yeah, sometimes. Is this a problem for you, Clark?"

"No, not at all. I'm just..shocked."

"Clark, I have a secret." She said reluctantly.

"Chloe Sullivan has a secret? This I gotta hear."

"Clark, I'm.."

"Gay?!?" Clark said almost a little too enthusiastically.

"Not quite. I'm bisexual, Clark." She said shyly.

"Oh. I actually kinda already knew that."

"What? How? I thought I acted very straight...most of the time."

"Oh, you did. But, occasionally I noticed you looking at Lana a little too closely." He smiled. "You know, you always seemed jealous of Lana and I just assumed you were jealous of her for spending so much time with me. But, I guess, you were actually jealous of me."

"You catch on quick, Kent."

  
  
  
  


A/N: Finally, a new chapter. :D I don't know if this one is as funny as the others but, honestly, I'm running out of ideas for this. Oh well. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. :D Bye!

*~erin~*


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